


Paradise

by Panthera888



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:34:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23401555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panthera888/pseuds/Panthera888
Summary: Sequel to Sweet Caress. Izzy and Axl go on vacation, but there's trouble in paradise.
Relationships: Axl Rose/Izzy Stradlin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Axl woke up coughing. He tried to take a deep breath in but couldn’t. He opened his eyes and looked around. Everything was dark, smoky. Through the haze, he could see a faint orange glow on the hallway wall. Then it hit him. The house is on fire! He felt around the bed. “Izzy? Izzy, wake up!” He shook Izzy hard, but to no avail. He wasn’t waking up. Axl got up and walked to the other side of the bed, coughing. The smoke was burning his eyes, but he was determined to get them out of the house safely. He put his hands under Izzy’s arms and pulled. The motherfucker was heavy, but Axl kept pulling. Izzy’s legs landed on the floor with a thud, and Axl feared the worst. He walked backwards, dragging Izzy out of the bedroom, through the flaming hallway, and into the living room. No sooner had he reached the doorway, than a wooden ceiling post fell, landing right where they had been ten seconds earlier. Axl was now more determined than ever to get out of the house, before the whole ceiling caved in. Flames were already licking up the walls in the living room. Axl had woken up just in time. Ten minutes later, and they both would have been trapped, their fate sealed. Axl put Izzy on the floor for a moment to open the front door. Then he picked Izzy back up, shouting at him. “Izzy, for the love of God, wake up!” Axl felt a searing pain in his back from dragging him throughout the house, but he couldn’t stop now. He pushed the screen door open and carried Izzy outside, laying him down on the lawn, in the soft grass.  
He expected to find fresh air out here, but instead, Axl could see that black snowflakes were raining down on them. Black snowflakes? What the hell is going on here? He leaned down and shook Izzy once again. “Izzy, baby, please wake up!” Axl knelt down and listened for any breathing. He couldn’t hear anything over a low rumbling noise. The house is going to collapse, he thought. Axl checked for a pulse and found none. “Oh, shit.” Axl immediately started CPR. He had learned it one summer while working as a lifeguard at the local pool. Now, he was more grateful than ever for that job. He had no idea how long Izzy had gone without air, but he kept up the chest compressions, hoping to God they would work. He had no idea how much time had passed since had started them, but as he was leaning down to give Izzy more air, he coughed and sputtered to life.  
“Oh, thank God. Izzy, sweetheart, can you hear me?” Axl asked, brushing soot away from his cheeks.  
Izzy opened his eyes, slowly at first, then went wide-eyed as he struggled to take in a full breath.   
“Axl? What’s happening?”  
“The house is on fire. We’re outside now.”  
“How did I get out here?”  
“I drug you out here. You weren’t breathing, Izzy,” Axl replied, his eyes watering both from the smoke and his fear for Izzy’s life.  
“What is this?” Izzy asked, as he reached out and touched the soot that was raining down on them.  
“It’s soot from the fire, the house-“ Axl abruptly stopped. As he looked back in the direction of the house, he could see more fire. It was further away, but it was unmistakable. “Oh, my God. Izzy, we have to get out of here. We have to get you to a hospital, then we need to get off this island.” If the hospital is still standing. “Can you walk?”  
Izzy sat up. His legs felt weak, but he stood anyway, stumbling a bit. Axl caught him, and they went on foot down the hill, and into town, hoping against hope that it hadn’t been completely destroyed.

They walked down the cobbled street, past houses painted blue and white. Once, they had to stop, as Izzy bent over and had a coughing fit. When he was finished, Axl helped him stand back up and they continued walking. They rounded a corner when they heard people talking. Residents were pointing and shouting at the mass of fire on the other side of the island.  
“Excuse me,” Axl began, “is there a hospital near here?”  
No one seemed to understand him.  
“Hospital!” he repeated. “He needs a doctor!”  
A young woman pointed down the road. “Doctor. Two blocks.”  
Axl looked in the direction she was pointing and saw that they would have to walk uphill. “Thanks,” he mumbled.  
The trudge uphill was a difficult one. Axl’s back was hurting, and Izzy was gasping for air. Along the way, Axl saw other houses on fire. They reached the hospital and went inside, Axl lowering Izzy into a chair. “Wait here while I find a doctor.” Izzy just nodded, coughing some more. The waiting room was bustling with people. Some had burns, many others were coughing, though none were wheezing as badly as Izzy.  
Axl went up to the receptionist and said, “I need a doctor, now!”  
She just looked at him in confusion.  
“Do you speak English?” Axl asked.  
She replied in a foreign language. Axl didn’t understand a word.   
Axl saw a man in a white coat emerge from an adjoining room. “Do you speak English?” Axl asked.  
“Yes, you must wait your turn.”  
“But he can’t breathe.”  
Izzy started coughing again, and Axl turned in time to see him clutching his chest, eyes wide in horror. He started wheezing badly, his eyebrows knitted together in what could only be a mixture of confusion and pain. Suddenly, Izzy was on the floor, his arms going limp and his mouth wide open. The doctor turned and rushed over to Izzy, just as Axl was leaning over him.  
“What happened?” the doctor asked.  
“We were in a fire. He wasn’t breathing when I pulled him out of the house. Then he breathed in the ash outside.”  
The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listening to Izzy’s lungs.  
“Your friend needs oxygen, immediately. I need to take him back to a room. You can come along.” He barked orders at the receptionist, who came back a moment later with a few nurses, who were pulling a gurney beside them.  
“What’s happening?” Axl asked.  
“His lungs have collapsed. He’s stopped breathing again. I must inflate the lungs, or he will not recover.”  
Axl staggered back in shock, watching the nurses raise Izzy onto the gurney as if he were watching a scene from a movie. He followed the medical team as they took Izzy back to a room. The doctor grabbed a large syringe, and stabbed Izzy’s chest.  
“How the hell is this happening?” Axl asked himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to childhood sexual abuse. If that is a trigger for you, turn back now. You have been warned.

Two Days Earlier

“This is paradise,” Axl said, as he pushed his sunglasses up his nose and took a sip of his cocktail. Izzy blew a puff of cigarette smoke out of his mouth and sighed. After the funeral, they had both agreed that a vacation was exactly what they needed. After an impromptu trip to the airport, they found themselves on a flight to Greece. Instead of staying on the mainland, they chose to rent out a private house on the island of Santorini, which was surrounded by the beautiful bluish green Aegean Sea that Axl was now staring at. They were sitting on lawn chairs atop the roof of their temporary home, letting the stress of the past month melt away.  
Izzy reached for his sunscreen and applied some to his nose, but, oddly, not to the rest of his face.  
“You look like a dork, you know that?” Axl asked.  
“At least I won’t be a burnt dork, unlike you. You know you can’t tan.”  
It was true. With his pale skin and ginger hair, Axl always ended up looking like a tomato after hours in the sun.  
‘And I don’t want skin cancer, either.”  
“On your nose?” Axl smirked.  
“Anywhere,” Izzy replied, tossing the sunscreen to Axl, who caught it like a pro.  
“Fine, I’ll use the goddamn sunscreen.”  
Axl applied some and pulled his hair back into a ponytail.  
“I have to applaud you on your choice of destination.” Izzy said.  
“Well, it wasn’t really a choice, it was just where my finger landed. And it was your idea to stay on the island, anyway.”  
“Still, good choice.”  
“Hey, Izzy, wanna have some fun?” Axl asked suggestively.  
“I’m not fucking you on this roof, Axl.”  
“Well, I could fuck you.”  
“No.”  
“Party pooper.”  
“Do you ever not want sex?” Izzy asked.  
“No. It’s my favorite pastime.” Axl thought for a moment. “Want to go to the beach later?”  
“Hell, yes. I’m dying to get in the waves.”  
“Hey, Izzy…”  
“I’m not fucking you on the beach either.”  
Axl took another sip of his cocktail. “Suit yourself.”

***

Three hours later, they were walking side by side on the beach, Izzy picking up seashells as Axl stared at the small, unpopulated islands in the distance. Birds flew overhead, dipping down into the waves to catch fish. They were both enjoying the quiet, the only sound coming from the crashing waves. This was nothing like the beach in L.A. They were the only people out at this time, for one. Izzy picked something up and held his hand flat, twisting his arm at times. He walked over to Axl, who asked him what he was doing.  
“I found a crab. The little guy was just walking along the beach, dipping his claws into some seashells. Here, hold him, it’s fun.”  
Axl held his hand out and let the crab walk across his fingers. He was mesmerized by the little creature with a shell on its back.  
“Ouch!”  
“What’s wrong?” Izzy asked.  
“Fucker pinched me.”  
“That’s why you gotta hold your hand flat, like this,” he said, holding his hand out to show Axl.  
“How do you know so much about crabs?”  
“I had hermit crabs as a kid. I used to love letting them out of the tank, letting them crawl all over my arms.”  
“I never knew that about you,” Axl said  
“Tell me a secret, Ax.”  
“What?”  
“I figure there’s lots of stuff we don’t know about each other. Tell me a secret.”  
“Okay.” Axl thought for a minute, then blushed. “I never got laid in high school.”  
“Really? But you were the bad boy. Weren’t the girls all over you?”  
“They were, but Stephen would have killed me if he found out I was having sex. I didn’t get any until I moved out to L.A. with you.”  
“No wonder you always want it. You’re making up for lost time.”  
“How about you? When was your first time?” Axl asked.  
“I was fourteen. Linda from science class. I had a few more girlfriends until I realized that I only wanted you.”  
Axl blushed again. “When did you come to that conclusion?”  
“About fifteen minutes after we met.”  
Axl laughed. “Seriously? You knew that soon?”  
“I thought you were sexy. Besides, you had that daredevil glint in your eyes, and I instantly knew you would be a good lay.”  
“Did I disappoint?”  
“Never.”  
Axl put the crab back on the ground and they watched it scurry away. “Your turn, Izzy. Tell me a secret.”  
Izzy’s facial expression darkened. “You know Mr. Jameson? From shop class?”  
“Fucked-up Jameson? Yeah, I remember him. The guy was a perv.”  
“He tried something with me once.”  
“What?!” Axl’s demeanor immediately changed. “What did he do to you?”  
“One day I was slow to leave class. Nobody else was in the room. He told me I was different than all the other boys, that I was special. Then he grabbed me.”  
“Grabbed you where?” Axl asked, suspecting he already knew the answer.  
“Where do you think?” Izzy snapped, getting uncomfortable.  
Axl wrapped Izzy in a tight hug.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”  
“Because I knew you would beat the shit out of him, and I didn’t want you to end up back in jail.”  
“Did you ever tell anybody else?”  
“No. I was too embarrassed, and in shock. I just always made sure to never be alone with him again.”  
“Jesus, Izzy.”  
“I’m okay. I mean, I don’t think about it all that often. Besides, it was only one time.”  
“One time too many,” Axl replied.  
“Come on,” Izzy said. “I’m getting hungry. Let’s go back to the house.”  
Axl looked closely at Izzy, trying to gauge whether or not he was truly okay. He looked saddened, but not distraught. Axl laced his fingers with Izzy’s and they walked back home in silence, Izzy carrying his seashells in one hand.

***  
Dinner was quiet. Axl was jolted by Izzy’s confession, and Izzy was quieter than usual. The incident had affected him more than he let on, and he could feel Axl’s eyes on him, his concern evident.  
“You alright, Izzy?”  
Izzy stabbed at his broccoli lazily. “I’m fine. Just tired.” That was a lie and they both knew it.  
“Actually,” Izzy began, “I don’t really know why I never told anyone. My parents would have killed the fucker. I mean, who knows how many other kids he did that to. I could have stopped it, Axl, but I didn’t. I just kept quiet.”  
“You were a kid, Izzy. It’s not your fault. Not then and not now.”  
“Do you think he’s still teaching?”  
“No, I heard he retired three or four years ago.”  
“Oh. I suppose that’s a good thing, huh?”  
“It is,” Axl said.  
“It felt so dirty,” Izzy said, staring at his plate. “Took me ages to go out on a date again. I couldn’t even think about sex without being reminded of the feeling of his hand on me.” Izzy shivered. “I just felt so filthy.”  
Axl scooted his chair closer to Izzy and pulled his head into his arms. “You aren’t filthy. You’re beautiful.”  
A lone tear fell down Izzy’s cheek and he wiped it away. Axl saw and kissed the top of his head.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too,” Izzy replied.  
“If you want, we can report him.”  
“I just want to leave it in the past, Axl.”  
“Okay. Just know that I’m here if you need me.”  
“I know. Thank you, Ax.”  
Axl kissed his forehead and let go of him, and they finished their dinner in silence.

***

Something woke Axl up, he wasn’t sure what yet. He looked at the clock. 2:43 a.m. Then he heard it. A small whimper behind him. Turning, he saw Izzy frowning, his eyebrows knitted together, skin slick with sweat. He whimpered again, and Axl reached his hand out and gently shook Izzy’s arm.  
“Izzy, baby, wake up.”  
Axl shook harder until Izzy’s eyes flew open, wide with terror.  
“Baby, what’s wrong?”  
“Just a nightmare,” Izzy replied after a moment.  
Before Axl knew what hit him, Izzy was leaning in for a deep kiss. He was surprised, but certainly not disappointed. That is, until Izzy sat astride him and uttered the words, “Make me forget.”  
Axl went rigid. “What?”  
“Make me forget about what ‘fucked-up Jameson’ did. I need you, Axl.”  
“Baby, no. Not like this. I really think you need to talk to someone about this.”  
“What I need is you inside of me.”  
“No, Izzy. I’m serious. You need a therapist, and you need to report him.”  
“Don’t tell me what I need!” Suddenly Izzy was moving aside, grabbing his pillow and walking toward the door.  
“Where are you going?”  
“I’ll sleep in the guest room.”  
“There’s more here that you’re not telling me, isn’t there?” Axl asked.  
“Goodnight,” Izzy replied, slamming the door behind him, and Axl wondered if he should have just let Izzy have what he wanted, should have just let Izzy melt into him and forget for a while. Now Izzy would be sleeping alone tonight, with no one to wake him from his nightmares.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this chapter briefly deals with childhood sexual abuse. If that is a trigger for you, please turn back now. Otherwise, enjoy!

When Axl got up the next morning, Izzy was already in the kitchen, making their favorite tea.  
“There is more,” Izzy abruptly said.  
Axl sat down at the table, not sure if he was prepared to hear whatever Izzy had to reveal.  
“It wasn’t just a quick grab.”  
Axl had suspected as much after Izzy’s outburst.  
“He reached his hand inside my pants and jerked me off. I just stood there, frozen. I didn’t know what to do. I felt so disgusted, but at the same time, I came. I was embarrassed, horrified. Most of all, I didn’t want to give him the impression that I liked it. But he just smirked and called me a ‘good boy’. His ‘good boy’. I wasn’t his to have.”  
“No, you weren’t. I’m sorry, Izzy.”  
“The fucker deserves to rot in hell.”  
“And he will. He also deserves to rot in prison.”  
“I’ll make the call as soon as we get back home,” Izzy relented. “You were right. He should be reported, and I do need to talk to someone.”  
“I shouldn’t have pushed you, though. I’m sorry.”  
“No, you were right to push. I’m sorry I put you in that position. Give me a kiss now?” Izzy asked, turning to face Axl.  
“Of course.” He stood up, strode over to Izzy and put his hands on his hips, leaning in for a tender kiss. “Do you still want me?”  
“I never stopped.”  
“Breakfast can wait, then.”  
Axl led Izzy by the hand into the bedroom, unbuttoning his nightshirt, pushing it slowly off his shoulders. He leaned in and sucked on Izzy’s neck, leaving marks there. Izzy grabbed the hem of Axl’s shirt and lifted, the two of them pausing their kiss long enough to rid Axl of his own shirt. Izzy reached down and pulled Axl’s boxers off, and Axl stepped out of them, standing naked before Izzy.  
“You make the first move, baby. I don’t want to push you.” The last thing Axl wanted was to touch Izzy when he wasn’t ready and willing.  
“Geez, Ax, it’s not like I’m a virgin.”  
Axl laughed, a small, sweet sound, and Izzy reached out and touched him where he needed it the most. Axl moaned as Izzy trailed kisses down his torso, getting on his knees and taking Axl’s cock into his mouth. Axl hissed and Izzy started moving, slowly, while stroking his own cock through the fabric of his pants. He moaned around Axl, and Axl let out a low whimper.  
“That’s it, baby,” Izzy stopped to say. “I want to watch you fall apart.” Then he was back on Axl, moving faster this time, and Axl gasped, threading his fingers through Izzy’s hair.   
“Oh, just like that, Izzy. Fuck, baby. I think I’m gonna…”  
Izzy stopped, stood up and stepped out of his pants. “Bed,” he told Axl.  
Axl got on the bed, and Izzy pulled a bottle of lube out of the nightstand.   
“How’s it gonna be, Isbell? Am I fucking you, or are you fucking me?”  
“Lie back and you’ll find out.”  
Axl did as he was told. Izzy sat astride him and coated Axl’s cock with the lube, then lowered himself onto Axl. Axl moaned, and Izzy let out a string of ‘fucks’.  
“Jesus, Ax, you feel good.”  
“I can say the same for you,” Axl said, a bit breathless.  
They moved together in a rhythm they both knew well from months of lovemaking. Axl reached down to stroke Izzy’s cock as Izzy rode him. Before long, they were both covered in sweat, panting for breath. Izzy looked at Axl, and he nodded. Izzy sped up, his thrusts becoming erratic, and he groaned with the effort. Axl increased his pace on Izzy’s cock, and they were coming, bathing each other in their fluids, Izzy’s head collapsing onto the headboard as they each tried to catch their breath. Once Axl had recovered, he said, “Now I need a shower. Care to join me?” Izzy smiled and nodded, which is how they found themselves in the tub a half an hour later, Axl cradling Izzy, and Izzy resting his head on Axl’s shoulder. Axl gathered some bubbles into his hand and lathered them along Izzy’s arm, slowly and gently. Izzy sighed. He hadn’t felt this relaxed in a long time. “I could spend forever in your arms,” Izzy said, a rare sentiment coming from him. Axl reached down and kissed him, Izzy returning the kiss with fervor. Axl’s stomach growled and Izzy laughed. “Breakfast is calling.”  
“I suppose we should get out of here. The water is starting to get cold anyway,” Axl replied.

***

They dried off and went about their day, the storm of yesterday finally over. About an hour before sunset, Izzy emerged from the guest bedroom carrying a folded sheet, and said to Axl, “Let’s go. I have a surprise for you.”  
“Go where? And what is that for?” Axl asked, pointing at the sheet.  
“You’ll see.”  
They walked a few blocks away, down by the beach, Izzy leading the way. He stopped at a little shack and greeted the man behind the counter. Axl could hear snippets of their conversation. He was hanging back a little, watching the waves crash on the beach, but he thought he heard something about a boat rental. His suspicions were confirmed when Izzy held up a key and motioned for Axl to follow him down to the docks. Izzy climbed aboard a small boat and held his hand out to Axl, who took it and stepped up into the bobbing vessel.  
“So, where are we going?” Axl asked.  
“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”  
“I guess not. What was that?”  
Izzy started up the engine. “What was what?” he asked, putting on his sunglasses.  
“I thought I hear a rumbling noise.” Axl looked at the sky. There was no sign of an impending storm.  
“I didn’t hear anything.”  
“Never mind.” Axl sat down near the front of the boat. “Since when do you drive boats?”  
“Since I was sixteen. Have you ever ridden in one?”  
“Can’t say I have,” Axl replied.  
The boat started moving and Axl leaned back, staring at the horizon, the sky a haze of pinks and purples against the golden hue of the sun. The wind was whipping through his hair, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in. This vacation had been exactly what they needed.  
After a few minutes, the boat slowed down, and Izzy steered it up to a small, uninhabited island. He dropped the anchor and turned off the ignition. The last bit of sunlight was fading, and Izzy was once again holding his hand out to Axl. “We’re here.”  
Axl took his hand and they stepped onto the shore, wet sand crunching beneath their feet. Izzy found a dry spot and spread the sheet out, pulling Axl down onto the ground with him. He pulled Axl into his arms, Axl resting his head on Izzy’s chest. The stars were starting to come out, and they lay there, watching the twinkling of the heavens.  
“This is beautiful, Izzy. Thank you,” Axl said, tilting his head up for a kiss.  
“Well, you can’t get much better than your own private island.”  
“No, you can’t.” Axl felt as though he and Izzy were the only two people in the world. The lights on Santorini were barely visible, a distant reminder that there was life on this planet besides the two of them. Axl cleared his mind of the thought and focused on the stars, on the feeling of Izzy’s chest rising and falling, the soft sound of his breathing. He thought Izzy had fallen asleep when he heard him mutter something about the big dipper.  
“And there’s Uranus,” Axl said.  
Izzy swatted his arm and laughed. “Sixth-grader.”  
“Dork.”  
They lay like that for what felt like hours, until Axl started lightly snoring. Izzy shook him awake and told him they should get home. “The boat has to be back by midnight.”  
“After you, sailor,” Axl said as he sat up.  
They cruised back to the island and walked home, hand in hand. No sooner had they gotten home than Axl went into their room and collapsed on the bed, kicking his shoes off and discarding his shirt. He didn’t bother taking off his jeans. By the time Izzy found him, he was already asleep. Izzy changed his clothes and got into bed, pushing a strand of hair behind Axl’s ears and planting a soft kiss on his lips. “Goodnight, baby,” he whispered. Little did they know, this would be the end of what had so far been a peaceful vacation.


	4. Chapter 4

4 hours later  
Axl watched in horror as the doctor stabbed Izzy’s chest twice, once above each lung. He put his stethoscope to Izzy’s chest and barked orders at the nurses. Axl didn’t know what they were saying, but he knew Izzy wasn’t breathing. Someone pushed past him, rolling in what Axl could only assume was a crash cart. He was proven correct when a nurse coated the paddles with a clear gel and the doctor shouted in Greek, before placing the paddles on Izzy’s chest. The jolt of electricity made both Axl and Izzy jump. Axl was pretty sure he was crying. He heard loud sobs and could only assume they were coming from him. He felt like he was outside of his body, watching from a distance. Someone tried to pull him out of the room from behind, and he pushed his elbow back hard, fending the intruder off. Before he knew what hit him, there was an arm around his throat, and he was being dragged backwards, out of the room.   
“No, you can’t take me from him! Not now!”  
The man behind him uttered what sounded like nonsense to him. Didn’t anybody here speak English? Axl regretted ever picking this part of the world to vacation in. It wasn’t the locals’ fault he couldn’t understand them, but he was resentful, nonetheless. How could he not be? They were taking him away from the person who meant everything to him. He realized he was wheezing, just as a different nurse was lowering an oxygen mask onto his face. He tried to swat her away, but he felt weak.  
“I’m fine,” he said from below the mask. Just how much smoke had he inhaled, anyway?  
“Leave me alone,” he said, but this time he felt a prick in his arm, and he suddenly got very sleepy. Fuckers drugged me, he thought. Soon everything went black.   
When he woke up, he looked around the room. It was dark, and the ocean paintings in the room did nothing to brighten the atmosphere.  
“Axl,” he heard a weak voice utter. He looked to his right and saw Izzy, very much alive, his face still covered in soot, staring back at him.  
Axl took his own oxygen mask off. “Izzy. Thank God. I thought you were dead.”  
“I was. Twice.”  
“Don’t ever scare me like that again, you hear me Jeffrey?”  
“Uh oh. You’re using my real name. It must have been bad.”  
“Dead is bad, in case you hadn’t noticed. How do you feel?”  
“Weak. Thirsty. Grateful. I have no words that would ever be enough to thank you for saving me. What happened, anyway?”  
“The volcano on the other side of the island erupted. The house caught fire. There was no way I was going to leave you in there,” Axl said, coughing.   
“We both have bad smoke inhalation,” Izzy said. “We probably shouldn’t talk for a while.” He put his oxygen mask back on, and Axl reluctantly did the same. They settled for staring at each other, having an unspoken conversation. It wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. They were always surprised at how much they could say without speaking. Axl still felt groggy from the drugs, and soon he was asleep again, this time letting the darkness overtake him. He could relax now that he knew Izzy was alive.

***

Axl woke up a few hours later to a nurse urgently shaking his arm. “We have to leave. There is a fire in the hospital,” she said in a thick Greek accent. Axl was awake immediately, searching for Izzy.  
“I’m right behind you,” the other man said, reading Axl’s mind. He had abandoned his oxygen mask and was pulling his pants on underneath the hospital gown.  
The nurse ushered them out of the room and down the hall, through the revolving front door. They turned and looked at the building, seeing a column of smoke rising from the roof.  
“Come on, Izzy, let’s get out of here.”  
“And go where?”  
“We’ll find a hotel or something.”  
Axl asked a woman in a white coat where they could find a hotel, and she quickly gave him directions. “It’s a small, family-owned place. You’ll like it,” she said.  
“Thanks.” With that, he took Izzy’s hand and they walked a mile down the road. Izzy was still gasping a little, but there were no other medical facilities where he could get some oxygen, so Axl decided rest would be their best option. They came upon a two-story stucco house, painted white and blue like the rest of the island’s buildings. Flowers were dangling out of window planters. A garden had been lovingly tended, and there was a soft light emanating from the house. Axl pushed the door open and was greeted by the hotel’s owner.  
“English?” he asked.  
“Yes,” Axl replied. They didn’t look like the typical residents on the island, at least Axl didn’t, so the man must have guessed they were from a different country. Izzy, however, fit right in with his dark hair and tanned skin.  
“We need a room. Do you have anything available?”  
“I have two rooms; would you like to book them both?”  
“We only need one,” Izzy said.  
The hotel owner gave him a funny look, both for his statement and for the hospital gown he was using as a shirt. The man promptly looked away when he noticed Axl glaring at him. He handed Izzy the key and told him their room was on the second floor. Axl followed him up the steps and into their room. He locked the door behind them, and Izzy flopped on the bed and sighed.  
“We’re going to need new clothes. I can’t walk around in a hospital gown for the rest of our trip.”  
“Our trip is going to be cut short, Izzy. Half the island is on fire. We need to leave in the morning.”  
Izzy looked at the clock on the nightstand. “It is morning.”  
“You know what I mean.”  
“Come to bed, Axl. You look exhausted. We’ll leave as soon as we’ve rested.”  
Axl joined him on the bed and nestled his head in the crook of Izzy’s neck. “I was so scared,” he said. You weren’t breathing when we got out of that house.”  
“I’m here now. I’m not leaving you again,” Izzy said, planting a kiss on top of Axl’s head. “Never again.”  
“I’m going to hold you to that,” Axl said, sniffling. He was shaking now, trying, and failing, to hold back tears.  
“Shh. I’ve got you. Everything’s alright. You can rest now.”  
Soon, Axl was drifting off to sleep, his hand on Izzy’s chest, just to reassure himself that he was alive and well.

***

The sound of the phone woke him up four hours later. It was the hotel owner, telling him that checkout was in one hour. “Do you want to extend your stay?” he asked.  
“No, we’ll leave today,” Axl told him, squinting against the bright Greek sun. Ash was still falling from the sky, but it was nowhere as bad as it had been the night before. After their conversation, Axl got back on the phone and booked a flight to L.A. Izzy emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered.  
“You’re awake.”  
“Yeah, the owner wanted to know if we were staying.”  
“What did you tell him?” Izzy asked, tossing his towel to the side and grabbing his clothes.  
Axl was distracted by his nakedness, and it took him a moment to reply. ‘Not now, Axl, he’s still recovering.’ “I told him no. I booked us a flight to L.A. We leave in three hours.”  
Izzy seemed to consider that for a moment. “Probably for the best.”  
“Yeah, and hey, maybe we could spend the rest of our vacation house-hunting.”  
“I’d like that. We should get a place with a pool.”  
“Definitely,” Axl agreed. “Hey, maybe we could build our own studio in the house.”  
“That would be great. It would save us a ton of money in the long run.”  
“Anyway, I thought I’d go out and buy us some clothes and food before we go.”  
“Okay. I’ll hang out here. My lungs still hurt.”  
“See you in a bit,” Axl said, leaning over and giving Izzy a quick peck on the lips.

***

Two hours later, they were on a ferry, heading back to mainland Greece, and to an airport. The plane ride was uneventful, and they landed in L.A. several hours later. They stayed at Axl’s house while searching for a new house of their own. It took about a month, but when a realtor showed them a three bedroom with picture windows overlooking the ocean, Izzy walked over to Axl, who was checking out the office, and said, “I think this is the one.” They signed the contract that day, and a week later, they had the basic necessities brought into the house. They had a bed, a refrigerator, a stove and a television, along with some clothes. They were sitting on the floor eating Chinese takeout and watching the news when they heard a slight thumping on the roof. They both looked skywards, but the thumping had stopped.   
“Probably just an animal,” Axl said, taking a bite of spicy chicken.  
Izzy was quiet. Axl noticed his stricken expression and asked, ‘What’s wrong, Iz?”  
“Huh? Nothing. Can we change the channel? This shit is depressing.”  
Axl turned the channel to a crime drama and they finished their dinner in comfortable silence.  
A week later, Izzy found Axl lying on their new couch, reading a book, looking completely content. “I’m going to run to the corner store and get some more food. You want anything?”  
“No,” Axl said absentmindedly.  
“I’ll be back soon.”  
“Hey, come here.”  
Izzy walked up to Axl. “What is it?”  
“I just wanted a kiss,” Axl said, sitting up and giving Izzy a deep kiss. “Hurry back, baby.”  
“I will. Love you.”  
“Love you too.”  
Izzy went outside and down the pathway to the sidewalk, turning when he reached the bushes that lined their property. He felt something hard pressed against his back and was confused until he heard the hammer of a gun being cocked.  
“Where’s my money, Isbell?”  
Izzy had been dreading this moment ever since he heard the thumping on the roof. The same thing had happened at his old house, and he knew it was the dealer that he hadn’t paid, back when he was heavily into drugs, before appetite became a success and he’d had no money.  
“You’re a hard man to find, you know that?”  
“Obviously not, since you’ve found me.”  
“Every time I think I have you, you seem to skip town. I want my money,” the man said, pressing the gun harder against Izzy’s back.  
“Relax, Rob. You’ll get it. Ten thousand?”  
The man laughed. “Ten thousand? No way, bro. The way I figure it, you owe me interest.”  
The front door swung open and Axl crossed the threshold. “Hey, baby, you forgot your wallet.” Izzy wanted to scream at him to go back inside the house and lock the door.  
Rob put his gun in his pocket and hid behind the bushes again.  
“Oh, thanks,” Izzy said, flustered.  
“What’s wrong?” Axl asked.  
“Nothing, I was just looking for that. I thought I’d lost it.”  
“Okay, well, I’ll see you back here soon.” He gave Izzy a quick peck on the lips and went back inside. Izzy breathed a sigh of relief, relief that was short-lived as the gun was pressed to his back once more.  
“That someone special to you?” Rob asked sarcastically.  
“You leave him out of this. He owes you nothing. How much do you want?”  
“Twenty thousand.”  
Izzy winced. How would he explain twenty thousand dollars missing from his and Axl’s shared bank account?  
“Okay, you’ll get it.”  
“Yeah, I’ll get it now, before you sneak off again like a wild dog. Get in the car,” he said, motioning toward a beat-up old black Toyota that was parked across the street.  
Izzy gulped and walked across the street; the gun pressed to his back the entire time. He got in and prayed that he would get out of this safely. He had caused Axl enough grief during the time they had been together. Rob started the engine and they drove away, Izzy sweating bullets as they cruised down the streets of L.A.


	5. Chapter 5

“Where is your bank?” Rob asked.  
“Turn left here, then take the next right,” Izzy said, trying to remain calm.  
“You’re a real son of a bitch, you know that, Isbell? Hiding away for two years, making me wait for my money.”  
“I was working,” Izzy retorted.  
Rob pressed the gun to his head. “Don’t you take that tone with me, man, or I swear I will blow your brains out right here.”  
Izzy believed him. “Well, you won’t have to wait any longer,” he said. “There’s the bank.”  
Rob parked as far as he could from the entrance. “Now you listen, Isbell. If you try to run, or you call the cops, I’ll know it, and Loverboy gets it. Don’t forget, I know where you live now.”  
“You have my word,” Izzy replied. “You’ll get your money today.”  
“And my interest.”  
“And your interest.”  
“Now go.”  
Izzy stepped out of the car, his legs shaking. For a moment, he thought he might faint, but he quickly pulled himself together and walked into the bank with shaking hands. There was a long line and he cursed under his breath. He waited about ten minutes before a teller finally called him up.  
“What can I do for you today, Sir?”  
“I need to withdraw twenty thousand dollars.”  
The woman looked a bit surprised, but quickly recovered. “I’m sorry, but we have a withdrawal limit of one thousand dollars per day.”  
“Shit. Can I get a box of checks, then?”  
“They’ll take around one week to arrive, but I can order some for you.”  
“I really need them today.”  
The woman just stared at him. She could see he was nervous.  
“Look, the bank is going to take my house if I don’t pay up. I really need that money today,” he lied.  
“I’m sorry, sir. Perhaps a cashier’s check?”  
Izzy breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah, let’s do that.” Five minutes later, he was walking out of the bank with the check in his hand. He got back in the car and handed it to Rob.  
“What the fuck is this?”  
“It’s your money. Take it and leave me alone.”  
“You know, I’m getting really tired of your shit, Isbell. You promised me cash.”  
“I promised you money, and that’s what you got. Now fuck off!”  
“No one talks to me that way, bitch! I want my money!”  
“Just take it and let me leave. Actually, I’m not waiting for you to let me leave, I’m going.” As he reached for the door handle, Izzy felt a sharp crack against the back of his skull. His vision swam, and he saw spots before his eyes as everything went black.

***

Axl was starting to get worried. It had been two hours since Izzy had left, and he still wasn’t home yet. He’d considered calling the corner store to make sure he was okay but thought better of it. ‘He’ll be home soon,’ he told himself. When night fell, and Izzy still hadn’t shown up, he threw on his coat and went out to look for him. His first stop was the store.  
“Excuse me,” Axl said to the cashier, “did a man come in here earlier, about my height, shoulder-length dark hair, brown eyes, thin?”  
“Sorry, I haven’t seen anyone like that.”  
“He was wearing a bandana and a jean jacket. Are you sure you haven’t seen him?”  
“No one like that came in here today.”  
Now Axl was really starting to worry. Where could Izzy have gone? He briefly considered that Izzy might have lied to him about where he was going, but quickly pushed the thought aside. Izzy had no reason to lie to him, ever. They were always open with each other. Besides, he would have been home by now. Home. Axl decided to go back and see if Izzy had shown up.  
“Thanks,” he said to the cashier, before walking back home, hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched and head down. When he walked through the front door, everything was as he had left it, and the house was quiet.   
“Izzy?” he called. “Baby, are you home?” He shrugged off his jacket and threw it on the couch before searching every room. No sign of Izzy.  
“Shit.” ‘Where could he be?’ Axl went downstairs and dialed the number for the local police department. “I need to file a missing person report. No, it hasn’t been forty-eight hours.” Axl scoffed. “Well, fuck you then!” he yelled, before slamming the phone down on the receiver. “I’ll just find him myself.” Axl called the hospital next. No Izzy. “Damnit.” Axl huffed and grabbed his keys. He got in the car and started driving around. ‘Maybe he got into drugs again,’ Axl thought. He drove around to all the bars they used to frequent, still no sign of Izzy anywhere. He drove through the seedier part of town, stopping at street corners to peer into the back alleys. A few hookers came up to his window and he waved them off. With nowhere else to look, he went back home.  
***

Izzy awoke with a pounding headache. He opened his eyes and saw the stars staring back at him. He felt cold, and there was a bad smell emanating from the space around him. He sat up and put his hand on the back of his head. It was wet and sticky. Sure enough, when he looked at his hand, it was covered in blood.   
“Shit.” He stood on wobbly legs and took in the scene before him. He was in an alley, he now realized. A nearby dumpster explained the smell. He walked past the dumpster, past the brick buildings that surrounded him. He looked up and down the street. He had no idea where he was. He started walking down the street, earning surprised glances from people who passed. One man stopped to ask him if he was okay, after seeing the dried blood on the back of his head.  
“What street is this?” Izzy asked.  
“Green street. Hey, man, do you need an ambulance?”  
“No, I just need to get home,” Izzy replied. “Is there a pay phone near here?”  
The man pointed down the street. “Just outside that bar.”  
“Thanks, man.” Izzy pulled some change out of his pocket and quickly found the pay phone. He dialed his home number. Axl picked up on the first ring.  
“Izzy?” He sounded frantic.  
“Yeah, it’s me,” he said. He felt sleepy, his eyes closing for a second.  
“Where the fuck are you? What happened?”  
“Axl, don’t freak out.”  
“About what? Did you get mugged or something?”  
“Something like that. I ran into my old dealer.”  
“Are you high? You sound lethargic.”  
“No! I didn’t use. I owe him money, Axl. The guy’s been chasing after me for two years.”  
“What did he do to you? Where are you? I’m coming to pick you up right now.”  
“Green street. I’m outside a bar. He hit me over the head with his gun.”  
“Jesus, Izzy. You need to pay him off before he kills you.”  
“I did. I gave him a cashier’s check, but he wanted cash. He was real pissed about it. Dumped me in an alley.”  
“Stay where you are, I’m coming to get you.”  
“Okay,” Izzy said, his eyes closing again. “Hey, Axl? Be careful. He knows where we live.”  
“Shit, Izzy. Just stay put.”  
“I will.” He hung up and sunk to the ground, his back against the wall. He leaned his head forward (it hurt too much to lean it against the wall) and dozed off. When he woke up, Axl was hovering over him, lifting him up by the arm.  
“Let’s go, Izzy. We need to get you home. And no more sleeping, you probably have a concussion.”

***

The ride home was silent. Usually there would be music playing, but Axl had turned the radio off when he went looking for Izzy. He removed Izzy’s bandana and gingerly felt around the back of his head. “You have a nasty bump back there.” He prodded some more.  
“Ouch! Leave it alone,” Izzy said.  
“Fine. The bleeding has stopped, just so you know.” Axl seemed tense. He was white knuckling the steering wheel, tapping a single finger against the top of the wheel.  
“What’s wrong, Axl?”  
After a pause, Axl replied. “You know, I can’t take my eyes off you for one second. In the past three months, you’ve overdosed, died twice, and today you were kidnapped by a drug dealer.” His voice grew louder with each passing word. “I mean, Christ, Izzy, do you ever stop to think about how I feel when this shit happens to you?”  
“What do you want me to say? Bad luck follows me? It’s not like I did those things on purpose!”  
“On purpose? Not paying off your dealer? Getting high in Indiana? Are you telling me that those things were someone else’s fault, because it sure as hell looks like you’re the guilty party in those situations?”  
“What do you want me to say? I’m sorry Axl, but is sorry enough for you right now?”  
“No, you know what, it isn’t. It’s not enough.”  
“Fine.”  
“Fine!” Axl snapped. “We’re home, do you need help getting out of the car?”  
“No, I’ll manage on my own, thank you very much. You know, I don’t need you looking out for me.”  
“Fine, the next time we’re in a burning building, I’ll just leave you there! How does that sound?”  
“Axl, you know you don’t mean that.”  
“Whatever. I’ll see you in the morning.”  
“Where are you going?”  
“To bed.”  
Axl was three strides ahead of Izzy, beating him to the front door and slamming it shut, practically in Izzy’s face. Izzy went inside and locked the door, hurt and pissed at Axl’s attitude. He went upstairs, past Axl and into the master bathroom. He used some alcohol and cotton balls to clean up the wound on the back of his head, hissing when the alcohol stung. “Motherfucker.” He undressed and stepped into the shower, carefully massaging his head, washing the blood away. When he was finished, he got into bed. Axl turned on his side, away from Izzy. He was still fuming mad, Izzy could tell.  
“You know, you never bothered to ask me how I felt about everything that’s happened to me over these last few months.”  
Axl was silent.  
“Do you think it’s fun to O.D.? To have smoke inhalation so bad that you stop breathing? Do you think I wanted to be held at gunpoint today? No, I didn’t, but it happened anyway.”  
Axl still said nothing.  
“Fine, you know what, I’ll sleep on the living room floor until the couch is delivered.” Izzy sat up, and Axl grabbed him by the wrist.   
“Don’t be an idiot. You’re injured. I’ll sleep in the living room.”  
It wasn’t the answer Izzy was looking for, but it was all Axl was prepared to offer. He just hoped Axl could forgive him for the things that were his fault and accept the things that fate had wrought upon them.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Izzy went looking for Axl. He found him sitting by the pool, dipping his feet in the water. He sat down next to Axl, careful to give him his space.  
“Are you still mad at me?” Izzy asked.  
“Yes…no. I’m mad at myself.”  
“For the things you said last night?”  
“That too.” Axl huffed. “I can’t protect you, Izzy.”  
“You saved my life on that island. You protected me then.”  
“Yeah, but you could have died yesterday, and, where was I? I was reading a book while you got beat over the head with a gun.” Axl paused, then continued. “He was there, wasn’t he? When I handed you your wallet?”  
“Yes. He was hiding in the bushes.”  
“I should have seen it. I could see that you were nervous. I should have known something was wrong.”  
“If you had interfered, something bad could have happened to you too. He threatened you, if I didn’t give him the money, he said he would hurt you, or worse.”  
“Yeah, well, better me than you.”  
“Why would you say that?” Izzy asked.  
“Because, I would have beaten the guy up, threatened him. I could have taken him on. Instead he hurt you.”  
“Then he would have shot you, Axl.”  
“He was the noise we heard on the roof last week, wasn’t he? Did he think he could break in through the skylight or something?”  
“I don’t know, but the same thing happened at my old house. I was too busy snorting coke to find out who it was and what they were doing on my roof.”  
“But you suspected it was him? You were frightened, I could tell.”  
“Yes, I suspected.”  
“Is he going to leave you alone now?” Axl asked.  
“I think so. He got his money. The fact that he let me live tells me he won’t be a problem anymore.”  
“Good. I’m glad that’s over with. Is there anything else about your past that you need to tell me? Any more confessions before we get blindsided again?”  
“No, Axl. You know everything now.”  
“Did you, uh, did you ever make the call?”  
“Call? What call?”  
“Mr. Jameson from shop class.”  
“Yeah, I did. Turns out he’s already serving a prison sentence. I guess I’m not the only one he hurt.”  
“Guess not,” Axl said, swishing his toes around in the water. “Promise me you’ll be more careful from now on, and that you’ll tell me right away if something is wrong?”  
“I promise, Axl.”  
Axl nodded his head and continued kicking at the water.

***

Izzy had every intention of keeping his promise. That is, until two nights later when a sound woke him from a light sleep. Axl was asleep next to him. Izzy heard the noise get closer, and he saw a shadow under their bedroom door. He reached in the nightstand and pulled out his gun, flicking the safety off. He was aiming it at the door when there was a light knocking sound. Confused, Izzy threw the blankets off his legs and crept over to the door. He was about to press his ear to the door when he heard the knocking again. The door opened slowly, and Izzy leveled his gun at the intruder.  
“Jesus!”  
“Duff?” Izzy whispered. “What are you doing here?”  
“Could you maybe put the gun down, Iz?”  
Izzy lowered the pistol and turned the safety back on before stepping out into the hallway with Duff. “How did you even get in here?”  
“There was a key under the mat.” Duff replied.  
Izzy ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, Axl is always forgetting his keys.”  
“You’re not answering the phone. We’ve been trying to get ahold of you.”  
“We turned the ringer down. What’s up?”  
“We need you guys in the studio. Our producer is getting frustrated. We’re nearing completion and we need you and Axl’s parts to finish.”  
“I’ll let him know in the morning.”  
“Let me know what?” a sleepy voice asked.  
“Oh, hey, Axl. Sorry to wake you guys,” Duff said.  
“We’re needed in the studio tomorrow,” Izzy said.  
Axl looked down at the pistol Izzy was carrying and asked, “What the fuck is that?”  
“I thought somebody broke in.”  
“You said you would tell me if something was wrong.” Axl said, the accusing tone clear in his voice.  
“I didn’t want to wake you.” Izzy replied.  
“You thought you would just handle it all by yourself.” It was more of a statement than a question on Axl’s part. “I’m going back to bed. Duff, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He closed the door and left Izzy and Duff alone in the hallway.  
“What was that about?” Duff asked.  
“I ran into my old dealer a few days ago. Things got ugly. Axl is just worried about me.”  
“Oh,” Duff said, feeling very awkward at having witnessed their brief spat.   
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I’ll turn the ringer back up so we won’t miss any more calls.”  
“Yeah, tomorrow. I’ll let myself out.”  
“Night, Duff.”  
“Goodnight.”  
***

The tension was palpable as soon as Axl and Izzy walked into the studio. Axl’s shoulders were hunched, and Izzy looked tired, defeated somehow.  
“What are we working on?” Axl asked.  
“Pretty tied up,” Slash said. “I’m doing some guitar overdubs, but we mostly just need the vocals and the rhythm guitar.  
“Fine,” Axl said. He motioned to the producer on the other side of the glass partition, who pressed record and gave Axl a thumbs-up.  
Izzy started in with his part, and soon, Axl was singing. After a few seconds, the producer stopped him.  
“Let’s take that from the top. 1,2,1,2,3,4…”  
Axl started singing again, and again, the producer interrupted him.  
“What the fuck is wrong this time?” Axl snapped.  
“Maybe you could try singing it in a different voice, maybe something a little more dynamic,” their producer said.  
“What the fuck is wrong with my singing?”  
“I’m just not feeling it, Axl. It seems like you’re holding back.”  
“I’m not holding shit back.”  
“He’s right, Axl. You’re not giving it your all. Your singing is…stifled,” Izzy said.  
“Izzy, can I talk to you in the hallway for a moment?” Axl said through gritted teeth.  
Izzy sighed and put his guitar down, following Axl out of the small room. The rest of the band could hear them arguing on the other side of the door.  
“…just don’t trust me.”  
“…the fuck do you want me to say… sounded terrible in there.”  
“Fuck you!...don’t need you to tell me how to do my job!”  
“Is anyone else feeling really awkward right now?” Duff asked.  
“Yes. Maybe we should listen through the instrumentals again.” Steven replied.  
Slash just sat there, drinking his third bottle of jack that morning. “Maybe I could finish my overdubs while they figure things out.”  
“Yeah, let’s do that,” Steven said, motioning for the producer to begin recording.  
Slash stood up on wobbly legs and put his bottle down, starting in on his guitar.  
“…you don’t trust me…should just fucking leave.”  
“…a fucking grown man…can take care of myself…need the vocals…we’re falling behind schedule, Axl.”  
“I can’t do this,” Slash said. “I can’t focus with that racket outside.”  
“Just pretend you’re in concert and there are a bunch of screaming fans in front of you. You always kill it on stage,” Duff suggested.  
The shouting got louder, and Slash started to walk over to the door when it swung open, an angry Izzy stepping inside and slamming the door shut.  
“Where’s Axl?” Steven asked.  
“He left. He’s not coming back for the rest of the day. Maybe not tomorrow either.”  
“Shit. We really need to get moving on this album,” Slash said.  
“He doesn’t care,” Izzy said, picking his guitar back up. “Let’s just do the guitar parts and get out of here.”  
“I think we’re still rolling,” Duff said.  
“Good. 1,2,3,1,2,3,” Izzy counted, and they were off, playing like they were in front of thousands of people, giving their work everything they had. By the time they were finished, it was dark out.  
Duff pulled Izzy to the side. “Is everything okay? I mean, you played great, but you seem distracted.”  
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Izzy said sarcastically. “Axl thinks I don’t trust him and he’s refusing to work. Everything is just great, both here and at home.”  
“I’m sorry, Izzy.”  
“Me too.”  
He still seemed distracted to Duff. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”  
“Actually, would it be too much trouble if I crashed at your place tonight?”  
“Not at all. We can order pizza and watch a movie if you want.”  
“Really, I just want to go to bed. Thanks, Duff.”  
“Sure. I hope things get better between you and Axl.”  
Izzy was silent. He wasn’t so sure it was going to be that simple.


	7. Chapter 7

“Here we are. Home sweet home,” Duff said.  
“Thanks again. I don’t think Axl really wants to be around me right now,” Izzy replied.  
“I’m sorry you two are having trouble.”  
“It’ll pass. He just needs his space.”  
“Uh, the second bedroom is my office, so I guess the couch will have to do.”  
“It’s plenty. You’re a lifesaver,” Izzy replied.  
“I’ll just go get a blanket and pillow for you.”  
Izzy propped his guitar case against the wall and took his coat off. He ran a finger through his hair and winced just as Duff was entering the living room.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“I got hit over the head. Like I said, things got ugly with my old dealer. I’m just hoping it’s not infected.”  
“Let me see.” Duff put the bedding down and carefully moved Izzy’s hair out of the way, taking a closer look at the healing wound. “It doesn’t look infected to me. It just looks painful.”  
“Yeah, well, it is.”  
Duff moved Izzy’s hair back into place, lingering for a moment, sliding his fingers through Izzy’s silky locks. It felt good. Izzy couldn’t remember the last time Axl had touched him like this. He found that his eyes had shut while Duff was touching him. When he opened them, he noticed that Duff had slid his fingers around to Izzy’s cheek and was softly caressing him with his thumb. Izzy could plainly see the expression on Duff’s face, one of concern and longing. As soon as that registered with him, Duff was leaning forward.  
“Duff…what are you doing?” Izzy asked, backing away.  
“Shit, I’m sorry. You’re vulnerable right now, and I shouldn’t have…God, I’m sorry.”  
“I love Axl, Duff.”  
“I know. I know you do, I just… I just lost it for a moment. I should go to bed now, leave you alone.”  
“I think that would be best.”  
“Goodnight,” Duff said.  
“Night.”  
Izzy got comfortable and tried to sleep, but Duff’s actions kept rolling around in his mind. Should he tell Axl? He had to, otherwise when Axl eventually found out, he would see this as just another example of Izzy not trusting him or being honest with him. But what would happen to Duff? He didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of one of Axl’s rages. Izzy didn’t know what to do. It was a lose/lose situation. He sighed, closed his eyes, and eventually went to sleep.

***  
Breakfast the next morning was awkward. Duff barely glanced at him, but when he did, Izzy was all too aware of his gaze.  
“I want to apologize again,” Duff abruptly said.  
“Don’t worry about it. We both know it was a harmless mistake. Just don’t do it again.”  
“You gonna tell Axl?”  
“I don’t know, Duff. I don’t know…”  
“It’s okay if you do. It’s not good to hide things from your significant other, believe me, I’ve hidden lots of stuff from my girlfriends. Mostly how heavily I’ve been into drugs.”  
‘And being bisexual?’ Izzy wondered.  
Duff glanced at Izzy again, and he could see that Duff was torn. He wanted Izzy but couldn’t have him. Maybe that’s why he had been drinking so much lately.  
“Duff are you okay? I don’t mean right now, I mean in general. Is your life okay?”  
“Yeah, it’s great. I mean, we’re about to release a double album, a great album. Why wouldn’t I be okay?”  
“Because you smell like liquor and because you can’t stop staring at me.”  
Duff was quiet for a long time, playing with his cereal. “It’s hard seeing you with him.”  
“How long have you felt this way, Duff?”  
“About six months,” he said, a pained look in his eyes. “I never thought you’d end up with Axl, or I might have said something to you. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. You’re not mine to have.”  
“I’m sorry, Duff.”  
“Don’t be, you know? It’s not your burden to bear.”  
They finished their meal in silence and Duff drove Izzy back home. As soon as he walked through the door, he saw Axl standing in the living room, waiting for him.  
“Where the fuck have you been?”  
“What does it matter to you? You didn’t want to be around me last night anyway.” Izzy knew his response would only make things worse, but he was getting tired of Axl’s attitude.  
“I called the studio. They said you left at the same time as everyone else. Who was that that just dropped you off?”  
“If you must know, it was Duff.”  
“Duff. Had he been drinking?”  
“Of course, he had, but he was being a safe driver. You know, you don’t have to hover over me every second of every day. I can take care of myself, and I’m getting real sick of your controlling behavior.”  
“Controlling? I’m just trying to look out for you!”  
“I’m fine, Axl. Stop acting like I’m a child that you have to protect!”  
“I had no idea where you were last night. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head. Were you high? Were you dead? Were you off fucking someone else? You have no idea what it’s like to not know where your boyfriend is or if he’s even alive.”  
“I’ll have you know, I could’ve fucked Duff last night if I wanted to, but I didn’t!” Izzy hadn’t meant for that to slip out, but there it was, and Axl was glaring at him with an anger he’d rarely seen.  
“What do you mean?” he asked in a low voice.  
“Duff tried to kiss me, but I stopped him. Are you happy now? You know exactly where I was and what I was doing, and who I could’ve done if I had wanted to.”  
“Happy? Oh, I’m thrilled, baby. And Duff is gonna get what’s coming to him, make no mistake about it.” Axl stormed out of the house, leaving Izzy alone once again. He wasn’t sure he minded. Izzy sighed. He knew there was no stopping Axl once he had set his mind to something.

***  
There was a knock at his door, and Duff opened it to find Axl standing on his doorstep, fuming. ‘Uh oh.’ Duff thought. Before he had time to react, Axl’s fist was connecting with his jaw. He staggered backwards, and Axl stepped inside the house.  
“You think you can take him away from me? Let’s see you try, McKagan. Come on,” he said, shoving Duff. “Come on, Duff, hit me!”  
“I don’t want to fight, Axl. I’m sorry. I was drunk. I shouldn’t have made a pass at him.”  
“You’re damn right, you shouldn’t have. If you ever try that again, I’ll kill you!” Axl turned and left, leaving Duff standing there holding his face. “Son of a bitch, that hurt.” He made a mental note to stay as far away from Izzy as possible during recording sessions. His phone rang and he picked it up. “Hello?”  
“Hey, it’s me.”  
“Hey, Izzy.”  
“Listen, I might have accidentally let it slip that you tried to kiss me. Axl may be headed your way. I just wanted to warn you.”  
“Too late.”  
“Shit, he was already there?”  
“Yeah, he laid one on me too. I guess I deserve it.”  
“Fuck. I’m sorry, Duff. We were fighting and it just slipped out. Shit, here he is now. I didn’t know you lived so close to us until last night. Listen, I gotta go.”  
“See you at rehearsal.” Izzy hung up and Duff went to find an ice pack.

***  
“Axl, Duff just told me you hit him.”  
“Yeah, I did. Motherfucker deserved it.”  
“Where are you going?” Izzy asked as Axl walked up the stairs.  
“I’m leaving. You want your space, I’ll give you your fucking space.”  
Izzy didn’t reply, just followed Axl up the stairs and watched him pack.   
Axl scoffed. “I noticed you’re not stopping me.”  
“I think it would be best if we spent some time apart.”  
“Fine, we’ll have time apart. Why don’t you go ahead and fuck Duff while we’re at it? At least he won’t be up your ass like I am.” Axl cringed at his poor choice of words.  
“I don’t want Duff. I only want you.”  
“If only I could believe that.”  
“What have I ever done to make you so suspicious of me?” Izzy asked.  
“You? Nothing. But everyone else I’ve ever been with never bothered to hold back about what a piece of shit I am, so I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to move on.”  
“I don’t want to move on. I see you for who you are, Axl. All of you, the good and the bad, and I love you not in spite of it, but because of it. You’re real, you don’t hide yourself from anyone. It’s part of what I love about you.”  
“Whatever, Izzy,” Axl said, sniffling. “I’ll be at a hotel for a little while. I’ll see you when I see you.” Axl brushed past Izzy, went downstairs and out to his car. Izzy watched from their bedroom window as he sped away to an unknown destination.  
***  
Everyone was quiet at rehearsal that day. As soon as Duff stepped into the room, Steven asked, “What happened to your face?”  
“I got into a fight.”  
“No shit,” Slash said. “With who?”  
“It doesn’t matter. Let’s just play.”  
Slash and Izzy sped through their parts, completing four songs in under three hours. Axl still hadn’t shown.  
“Where is he?” Slash asked Izzy.  
“No idea.”  
Slash and Steven exchanged worried glances.  
“Is everything okay?” Duff asked.  
“We’re spending some time apart. He said he was going to a hotel. It’s the best option right now. He needs space to cool down.  
Slash shrugged and took another drink of whiskey. “As long as he shows. We can’t wait forever.”


	8. Chapter 8

Axl’s way of getting some space was one he would forever regret. It was Friday night, and he was sitting in a bar, getting shit drunk. He was listening to the band playing and thinking about what a bunch of amateurs they were when somebody tapped on his shoulder.  
“What?” he barked.  
“Is this seat taken?” a tall, thirty-something man asked.  
“No, it’s all yours.” Axl turned back around and continued nursing his glass of vodka. He started to tip forward, and a hand grabbed him, stopping him from falling. Axl pushed the hand away and turned around. “What the fuck is your problem?” he asked.  
“Whoa, easy there. I just didn’t want you to fall,” the same man said.  
“What do you care?”  
“I don’t know, I just kind of like you.”  
“You wouldn’t if you knew me.” Axl said matter-of-factly.  
“Then how about we get to know each other a little better?”  
It was then that he noticed the man was leering at him. It was dirty and predatory, and damn if it wasn’t turning Axl on. The guy was good-looking. He had dark hair, like Izzy’s, and he was tall and muscular, with deep green eyes.   
‘I shouldn’t be doing this,’ Axl thought. Nevertheless, he let the man take him by the hand and drag him into the bathroom. As soon as they were alone, the nameless man put his hand on Axl’s growing cock, kissing him hard, rubbing Axl in a way that made him moan.  
“You like that?”  
“Don’t…Stop it,” Axl said, pushing him away weakly. A voice inside him said he couldn’t do this to Izzy. Another voice told him that Izzy was probably fucking Duff at that very moment, and he found himself instead uttering, “Don’t stop.”  
The man kissed him again, unzipping his jeans. Before he knew what hit him, the man was taking Axl in his mouth, sucking the droplets that were leaking out of him with abandon.  
“Fuck, that feels good,” he said, burying his fingers in the man’s hair. How long had it been since he had done this with Izzy? ‘Wait, Izzy…fuck him. He wanted his space.’  
Someone came into the bathroom and the man said, “Why don’t we move this party somewhere more private?” while zipping him up.  
Axl nodded his head and let the man lead him outside to his car. The man fumbled with his keys before unlocking it, ushering Axl into the back seat. He got in and laid back, sleepy from all the drinking he had done. The man closed the door and unzipped his jeans, removing them before doing the same to Axl. “How do you want it baby? Quick and dirty, or slow and sensuous?”  
“Quick and dirty,” Axl said. He had no intention of making love to the man whose name he hadn’t bothered to learn.  
“You got it baby.”  
“No. Only he calls me that.”  
“Who?”  
“No one,” Axl said after a pause.  
The man didn’t bother with lube. If Axl wanted it quick and dirty, that’s what he was going to get. He pushed Axl’s legs apart and entered him, Axl moaning loudly. He sunk his teeth into Axl’s neck before setting a furious pace below. Axl’s head was spinning. He didn’t know if it was from the alcohol or the sex, but he barely recognized his own voice. The man was doing things to him that were driving him wild. It took only a few more thrusts before Axl was coming, spilling his seed onto the front of his shirt, sweaty and dizzy.  
“Damn, baby, that was good. Oh, sorry, somebody else calling you baby?”  
“Not lately.”  
“Well, whoever he is, he’s lucky to have you. I haven’t been with many guys as vocal as you. I thought you were gonna set off the car alarm,” he joked.  
“Yeah, lucky,” Axl said, suddenly feeling disgusted with himself. “I gotta go.”  
“Already? You could stick around for round two. I’ll even buy you a drink.”  
“No, I gotta go.”  
“Well, it was nice meeting you…”  
“Billy.”  
“Nice meeting you, Billy,” the man said with a grin. “You sure were a lot of fun.”

***

The next day, Axl finally showed up at rehearsal. He walked in wearing a scarf to cover up the hickeys on his neck. No one asked him why he was wearing a scarf in the middle of July, they just figured it was a part of Axl’s fashion sense. He was singing one song or another, no one could remember later, because when Axl tilted his head, his hair and the scarf fell away from his neck, and Izzy saw. He saw Axl’s neck covered with marks that he didn’t put there and went ballistic.  
“What the fuck is that?”  
Everyone froze.  
Axl stopped singing, and Izzy rushed over to him, trying to inspect Axl’s neck. Axl pushed him away and pulled the scarf tight again.  
“Axl, what the fuck is that?!”  
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”  
“Nothing?! Who the fuck put those marks on you?”  
“None of your damn business. Are you going to keep pretending you’re not fucking Duff?”  
Slash and Steven turned their attention to Duff, who just threw his hands up in a confused gesture.  
“I’m not fucking Duff, but you’ve been swapping spit with someone else at the very least!”  
“Fine, I fucked up, okay, Izzy? I fucked another guy last night, or rather, he fucked me.”  
Everyone else quietly rushed out of the room.  
Izzy looked like he had been slapped. Tears welled up in his eyes and he asked, “Why? Why would you do that?”  
“Because you don’t want me anymore!”  
“When did I ever say that? I never stopped wanting you, and you went out and fucked somebody else? Who is he?”  
“I didn’t exactly bother learning his name.”  
“Jesus, Axl. Did you even use protection?”  
Axl looked away, ashamed.  
“Look at me, Axl! Did you use protection?”  
“No, there was no time.”  
“There’s always time. Christ, you could have any disease now. You could have AIDS! Did you not stop to think about what you were doing?”  
“Of course, I thought about it, but every time I did, I thought of you and Duff together, and I said, ‘Fuck it, if he can cheat, then so can I!’”  
“You’ve gone too far this time, Axl.”  
Here it was. The end. Axl knew it would come to this sooner or later. It had been wonderful while it lasted, but now he was sure Izzy was going to break up with him.  
“Six weeks from now, you’re getting tested for HIV. Until then, we’re off-limits.”  
Izzy gave him a stony glance and walked away, grabbing his jacket and guitar and going back home. Axl broke down in tears. That look Izzy gave him had said it all, more than words could have said. Izzy hated him right now, and it was going to take a long time for things to get back to normal, if they ever did.

***  
Axl went back his hotel, seething with rage. He was angry with Izzy for chastising him, but he was mostly angry at himself. He slammed the door behind him and looked around the room. He wanted to smash everything, tear it apart. Izzy’s words kept ringing in his ears, and he needed to drown out the noise. So, he grabbed a statue off the nightstand and threw it at the T.V., satisfaction coursing through him when both shattered. The lamps were next. He threw them at the walls, and the bulbs broke with a satisfying clink. He ripped the paintings off the walls, watching in delight as the glass broke. He tipped the table over and was in the process of bashing a chair against the wall when there was an insistent knock at the door.  
“Mr. Bailey?”  
Axl had used an alias when checking in. The knocking grew more urgent.   
“Mr. Bailey is everything alright in there?” hotel management asked.  
“Everything is fabulous,” he said sarcastically.  
“Mr. Bailey, if there is damage to the room, you’ll have to pay to fix it.”  
“Go away!”  
Everything went quiet, and he knew that the woman had left. He went into the bathroom and turned the shower on, almost scalding hot. He wanted to wash away every trace of the stranger he had given himself to. He scrubbed hard, until his skin was red and raw. When he was finished, he sank down in the shower and cried. He and Izzy had had something beautiful, and in one night, he had ruined it all. ‘How could I have been so stupid?’

***  
Izzy cried all the way home, then sat in the car and cried some more, until he was tired of feeling sorry for himself. He went inside and upstairs to his and Axl’s bedroom. Axl’s clothes were still draped over a chair, where he had left them the week before. Izzy picked up the clothes and took them over to the laundry basket. “Messy fucker.” Despite his anger at Axl’s indiscretion, he found himself raising Axl’s tee-shirt up to his nose. It still smelled like Axl. Like cigarettes and his milk and honey shampoo. Izzy found himself tearing up again, swiping the droplets away angrily. He should be mad at Axl right now, not missing him. Izzy threw the clothes into the laundry basket and went to bed.   
He laid there for two hours, unable to sleep. He considered calling Duff. He knew Duff was the last person he should be calling, but who else was he going to call at midnight? His mom? Before he knew what he was doing, he was dialing Duff’s number. He picked up on the third ring, sounding groggy.  
“Shit, did I wake you?”  
“Izzy?”  
“Yeah, it’s me. How could he do this to me? To us? We had something great going.”  
“I’m sorry, Izzy.”  
“Will you come over?”  
The line was silent. “Izzy, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
“I just need someone to talk to. Someone to drink with.”  
“Okay. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”   
Izzy was waiting when Duff pulled up in front of the house. He opened the door and let him in, a bottle of vodka already in his hand.   
“Hey,” Duff said.  
“Hey. Want some?” Izzy asked, holding up the bottle and shaking it for good effect.  
“Well, of course. Why would I refuse such an offer?”  
“Don’t know,” Izzy slurred. “Why would you?”  
“How many shots have you had, Iz?”  
“Just six. But who’s counting?”  
“Are you supposed to be drinking, you know, after the whole rehab thing?”  
“Prob-ly not. Do you think I care right now?”  
“Well, it seems I have some catching up to do.”  
“Follow me to the kitchen, and I’ll get you a glass.”

It was three a.m., and Duff and Izzy were lounging on the sofa, three sheets to the wind.  
“Duvvv…”  
“What did you call me?”  
“I called you Duvvv. That’s your name.”  
“God, you really can’t hold your liquor.”  
“You’re right,” Izzy said, taking a swig from the bottle. “Kiss me, Duvvv. I know you want to.”  
“Wow, you really are drunk. Sober Izzy would never say that to me.”  
Izzy crawled into Duff’s lap, making him jump.  
“Kiss me. It’s so lonely here without Axl. I don’t want to be lonely anymore.”  
“I’m not Axl. If I kissed you, you would still be lonely in the morning.”  
“I think it’s already morning. Please Duvvv. He doesn’t have to know, and if he can do it, so can I.”  
Izzy pressed his lips against Duff’s, and for a drunken moment, Duff kissed back. Then he realized what he was doing and pulled away.  
“Jesus, Izzy, what are you doing?”  
“I’m kissing you. Don’t you want me?” he asked, sounding vulnerable.  
“Of course, I want you, Izzy, but you’re not mine to have. I think I should leave.”  
“No, Duvvv. Stay. I promise I won’t kiss you again. Besides, you’re too drunk to drive. Stay here with me tonight.”  
“Fine. I’ll sleep here on the couch.”  
“I guess I do owe you one for crashing on your couch.”  
“You don’t owe me anything, Izzy,” Duff said, feeling sorry for his friend.  
“Duvvv?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Will you…well, could you maybe…”  
“Spill it, Iz.”  
“I was hoping you’d sleep in the bed with me. I can’t sleep since Axl has been gone.”  
Duff looked at him with weary eyes.   
“I promise I won’t kiss you again.”  
“No touching,” Duff said, pointing his finger at Izzy. “Promise me.”  
“I promise.”  
“Okay. I’ll sleep with you. Literally.”  
“Thanks, Duvvv. You’re a true friend.”

***  
Sunlight was streaming through the house as Axl arrived home. The hotel staff had seen the damage and had promptly kicked him out. He wasn’t sure what he would find when he got home, but it certainly wasn’t three empty bottles of vodka, accompanied by two empty glasses. He frowned in confusion.  
“Izzy? I’m back. Are you up?” Getting no reply, he trudged up the stairs and into the bedroom. What he saw there made him take a step back. Izzy was curled up around Duff, both of them shirtless and sound asleep.  
“What the fuck?!”  
Izzy bolted upright and Duff lazily opened both eyes.  
“Oh, hey, Axl,” Izzy said, looking around. “Oh, shit. Axl, this isn’t what it looks like.”  
“Not what it looks like? Well, then explain it to me, because it looks like you and Izzy slept together!”  
“We did. I mean, no!”  
Izzy looked confused, looking back and forth between Axl and Duff. “What the hell happened last night?”  
“All we did was sleep, Axl. I swear.”  
“Bullshit! As much as you drank last night, how would you even remember what you did?”  
“I swear it, Axl, he asked me to sleep with him.”  
Axl’s eyes narrowed.  
“Sleep!” Duff said. “That’s all that happened.”  
“It better be, or I’ll kill you!”  
“Just wait a fucking minute, who are you to talk?” Izzy asked, the fog in his head clearing a little.  
“I’m your boyfriend,” Axl stated.  
“That didn’t seem to matter when you were fucking what’s-his-name.”  
“Fine, I’ll just find another hotel to stay in. Call me when you decide what we are to each other.”  
Axl left, and Duff rubbed a hand over his face. He knew staying here had been a bad idea.

***  
Days went by, then weeks. Axl rented a small apartment close to the studio. He did his best to stay away from Izzy while they were working, trying, and failing on some occasions, to get there after everyone else had left. One day, Axl and Izzy were the only ones in the studio, and as Axl was leaving, Izzy put a hand on his chest and stopped him.  
“How are you doing, Axl? It’s been a while since we’ve talked.”  
Axl hesitated. “I’m fine. I’m not doing much, just working.”  
“I miss you,” Izzy confessed, running his fingers down Axl’s torso. “Are you ever coming back?”  
“I thought you didn’t want me after…after I screwed up.”  
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you back. Jesus, Axl, how did we get to this?”  
“I don’t know, but I don’t like it.”  
Axl slowly leaned forward, until his lips were brushing against Izzy’s. God, how he had missed this. He ran his tongue along Izzy’s lips, and Izzy let him in, putting an arm around Axl, pulling him closer. Then, they broke apart for air. Axl was shaking, and Izzy was panting. Before he could ask Axl to come home, Axl was bolting for the door. He didn’t even say goodbye.  
***  
Two weeks later  
Axl knocked on the door and waited patiently for Izzy to open it. When he did, Axl noticed he looked pale and tired.  
“Axl? Why did you knock? This is your house too.”  
“I didn’t want to just barge in on you.” He shuffled back and forth, before saying, “I, uh, I got tested. I’m clean. I don’t have any diseases.”  
Izzy nodded. “Good. I’m glad.” He seemed genuine.  
“I was hoping I could come in and talk to you.”  
Izzy stepped aside and Axl breezed past him, into the living room.  
“I was just making some tea. Do you want some?”  
“Sure.”  
They found themselves sitting across from one another at the kitchen table.  
“I see all the furniture arrived,” Axl said.  
Izzy nodded. He wasn’t sure what to say. It had been so long since they had spoken.   
“I never apologized to you,” Axl said. “I should have done it long ago. I’m sorry, Izzy. I’m sorry I slept around, and I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I accused you of things you would never do, and that wasn’t fair to you or to Duff.”  
“No, it wasn’t.”  
“So, how have you been?” Axl asked after a pause.  
“Lonely. It’s cold at night without you next to me. I can’t sleep.”   
“Yeah. Same here,” Axl said, staring into his cup.  
Izzy stood up, and Axl thought he was going to ask him to leave. He stood up too, expecting to be kicked out. Instead, Izzy walked over to Axl, wrapping him in a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much,” he said.  
Axl let out a sigh of relief, his eyes filling with tears. He hugged Izzy back, squeezing as tight as he could. “I’ve missed you too,” he said, running his fingers through Izzy’s hair. God, how he had missed the smell of Izzy’s hair, the feeling of his locks between his fingers as they made love.  
“I’m so sorry, Izzy. Please forgive me.”  
“I already have,” Izzy said, and Axl melted, letting the tears fall, holding onto Izzy with all that he had. “We’ll have to talk things through, but I don’t want to be without you any longer.”  
“I love you, Izzy.”  
“I love you too, Axl.”


End file.
